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8 things you can do to 10x the trust others have in you
Expand your network, gain influence, and make more friends.
Saturday Deep Dive Edition #1
I come across many who are frustrated with the effect they seem to have (and lack thereof) on other people.
They want to grow their businesses, resonate, connect, sell things, and make an impact.
But one thing we can miss that sits at the heart of this level of influence is trust.
We're continually telegraphing our intentions consciously and subconsciously.
And people make quick judgements based on our actions.
Whether we can influence another human or not lies in trust.
If it's lacking, they won't stick around long.
Here's what to do if you want to develop more trusting relationships, both with your close friends and those who follow you:
Follow your promises through with actions.
Far too many people undermine the importance of doing the things you said you were going to do.
This is not only vital in instilling trust in others, but it strengthens your own self-identity as someone responsible you believe in.
This is why consistent people instil more trust.
Sometimes it can seem trivial to follow through on something you said that didn't hold much meaning to you, but every little thing you do is felt and seen in some way in the world.
When we continually fail to follow our words with actions, people - slowly but surely - begin to lose their faith in you.
"Being impeccable with your word is the correct use of your energy; it means to use your energy in the direction of truth and love for yourself." Don Miguel Ruiz.
Don't be so self-absorbed.
This is the trend for many in the modern age.
Everyone stares into a phone, concerned about how they look, even though no one sees them.
If you're continually thinking about how you come across, this simply reflects one thing: you aren't thinking about others.
When our life strategy is one-sided - one of obsessive self-preservation - others will sense this. Would you trust someone who can't stop thinking about themselves?
Be less reactive (and more creative).
If you are triggered by something or someone and react emotionally without a thought, this shows emotional immaturity.
We're talking about the difference a few seconds make.
Learn to create the tiniest gap in your headspace so you don't react unnecessarily.
People lose trust in anyone who doesn't have a handle on their emotions. Be careful here because this can be reputation-destroying.
"If you hate a person, you are defeated by them." - Confucius.
Tell the truth.
Sometimes we tell lies to be tactful in a social situation so we don't hurt others unnecessarily.
This reflects one's social intelligence.
But most forms of lying, especially when found out by the recipient, will significantly damage a relationship and one's level of trust.
Lying is a no-brainer on this list. It's also why demonstrating honesty is so refreshing.
How could they ever trust you again when we're not honest, and they find out?
Even when you tell the truth, people will struggle to believe you from that point on.
Take care of yourself.
Many of us poo-poo the need to look good on the outside.
'It's superficial!' you say.
But what does this communicate if you can't find the time to take care of yourself inwardly and outwardly?
Do you even have time to think of others?
A good leader's primary trait is genuine care for those around them. This starts with one's demonstration of self-care, right down to the small aesthetic details.
I will trust you less if you walk about with dirty shoes and long nails.
This also applies to your online aesthetic and manner.
Don't rely on expectations.
I'd be rich if I made a hundred dollars for every person that approached me with a challenge they had around failed expectations.
'Jason tells me that his co-worker drives him crazy and doesn't pull his weight in the office.'
Relationships break down almost always because we rely on our expectations instead of making firm agreements with people.
To create positive synergy, whether with a child, a spouse or a colleague, we must make agreements with them and ourselves.
This is what being accountable means.
Expectations will rarely be met.
But when I take courage and say, 'Can we agree to do this?,' now we're communicating like adults, and this garners a trusting environment.
Don't be guided by assumption.
When we make assumptions, we act on incomplete information.
We do this out of impatience and a lack of emotional maturity (notice a common thread forming?).
Basing decisions on assumptions has brought untold grief and frustration to billions of humans over time.
To keep it simple, assuming things is fine, but taking action based on an assumption is risky and often reckless.
If we turn out of a t-junction assuming there are no other cars, on limited information, we risk a collision.
When we live like this, we surreptitiously diminish our trust in ourselves, and others will lose faith in us too.
Take full responsibility and live like it.
You ever come across that person who just cannot seem to take responsibility for anything they do?
How trustworthy do they seem to you?
There is a direct link between one's propensity to assign blame to externalities and the trust they instil in others. Why?
Because a failure to assume responsibility for one's poor judgements always comes from a place of insecurity.
Insecure people are often prone to making poor decisions, and many are quick to save themselves before others.
Trust happens when we see you willing to look bad or have the uncomfortable conversation if it means getting to the truth.
For example, if someone admits to mistakes in their past so we learn something that will help us, this is taking responsibility, and it is honest. This instils trust.
Those leaders who take risks and are willing to face criticism grow the most loyal followerships.
If I can leave you with ONE piece of advice on trust that has helped me over the years, that I return to often:
We're all connected, so forget obsessing about yourself, and help others get what they want - they will want to support you in return.
(You can't just say you're trustworthy - you must demonstrate it).
Until Tuesday's email!
Your man in Krakow,
Thanks for reading.
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